Bayonetta

When a commercial promises you "Non stop climax action" you can't help but become excited and then the other kind of excited. No its not a Playboy TV commercial, it was a Japanese commercial that ran for the insane game called Bayonetta. Bayonetta is a game made by the creators of Devil May Cry who are know for their extremely over-the-top gameplay and insane story. Bayonetta delivers that and so much more.

Bayonetta is an extremely powerful witch better known in their world as an Umbra witch. Her black body suit is made of her own hair (its comes from her head not that other place)which she uses to summon giant fists and infernal demons to kick some major ass. When she uses her hair attacks, the hair flies off her body and showing off her lady parts (tastefully...sometimes) then form whatever it was you intended to use it for. She also straps guns to her feet which prove extremely fun and useful in combat. She uses lollipops as health and magical boosts and her taunts are so sexual that you might want to play this game at night with all the doors locked in the dark.

If you haven't already guessed, Bayonetta is completely drenched in sexuality. Even when you walk her ass bobs side to side so dramatically its like she has no spine. The sexuality does NOT deter the greatness of this game it adds more to it because she isn't afraid of her own body. Some people might say that she paints females in negative light and makes them all look like whores and sluts but honestly is it wrong to kick major ass and look good doing it? I don't think so. No way. Plus I prefer her ten times over that Tomb raider bitch who kills natives for their treasures because she has a fetish for shiny shit.

The story, well the story for this game is extremely confusing so I suggest not trying to follow it too closely or your brain might shut down. Bayonetta is a witch who hunts down angels to stay out of hell but the angels might be bad and the witches are good because the angels want to resurrect a giant ancient idol that will lead them into greatness but the witches want to stop them because it might destroy the world and then there are these huge angels that shed their skin when you attack them and are all demon looking inside so they might be really bad and then there's a guy with a scarf that says you killed his dad and there's a little girl who might be your daughter or you from the the past and there's a weird creepy voice that keeps telling you not to worry and- ARGGGGGGG I can't do it! Its just too fucking confusing. Look the main things you need to know is : Angels bad, kick they ass.

The controls for Bayonetta are as smooth and responsive as hell. Preforming and chaining attacks is easy as is the dodging. As you fight your witch meter increases which lets you do Torture attacks which range from an iron maiden to a giant tombstone falling from the sky and crushing your opponent. When you dodge a split second before an enemy attack lands you go into Bullet Time(or Witch Time as they call it) in which time slows down and you move significantly faster and are able to string attacks easier. You can alternate between two weapon sets with a click of the RT regardless if you're attacking so swapping guns for a sword or a whip mid battle is easy. The weapons are varied and plentiful; a whip, demon claws, Nun chucks(complete with Bruce Lee style battle cries) and more that you can switch and swap for interesting weapon combinations (weapons on your hands and feet? Yes please!). The way to get weapons is to collect vinyl LPs that you find either by defeating enemies or in the environment and take to a guy name Rodin at the Gates of Hell(nod) and after a few minutes you get brand new weapons. Some of the weapons are pretty hard to get but the replay value for this game is so high you will be coming back just to see if you missed anything. There are also accessories you can by that aid you in battle such as damage reflection, Witch time activation and more to keep you playing Bayonetta for hours.

The difficulty of Bayonetta ranges from simple one button press does everything to murderously hard. One of my main gripes in Bayonetta is the soundtrack. They keep replaying the same three songs over and over and over again everytime you engage a fight. Its a small gripe but when you have to hear the same song over and over it starts grinding on your nerves. Luckily this is quenched by the death of your enemies and Bayonetta's own battle moans. Besides that, Bayonetta's campy storyline, fast paced and filling combat system, and huge selection of enemies ranging from small to planetary sized will keep you coming(ha) back over and over again.